In Too Deep?
by thisiswhereIkeepmyfics
Summary: My take on the Riain spoilers for the next few episodes, Iain thinks the relationship he has with Rita isn't what he wants. Will anyone be able to change his mind?
1. Chapter 1

This is my take on the spoilers for the upcoming episodes where Iain is said to wonder if he's 'in too deep' with Rita. Just a short chapter to begin with and I think there'll be one or two more chapters after this one.

* * *

"You coming to the pub?" Rita asked Iain with a smile as she walked out of the department after a long shift.

"Nah, got 5 a side tonight, can I come round to yours after though? I think we need to talk" he asked, his hands firmly in his pockets, giving the impression he didn't want any physical contact from Rita.

Rita nodded slowly, "sounds ominous, should I stop off at the offy, buy myself a bottle of vodka?"

Iain didn't answer as he began walking away, still facing Rita, "be about 8, 8.30 yeah?" he told her before turning and heading off without another word.

"Pub?" Rita jumped, she hadn't heard Zoe walk up behind her, too busy watching Iain walk into the distance.

"Nah, think I'm gonna give it a miss, it's been a long day, I could do with an early night."

"No Iain?" Zoe asked and Rita's heart sank.

"No, not tonight, he's got a footy match on."

"You do right" Zoe nodded as she lit up a cigarette, "get yourself home, nice soak in the bath, feet up watching crap TV, sounds like heaven to me."

"Yeah" Rita forced a smile, a sinking feeling in her chest telling her that probably wasn't how her evening was going to plan out, "I'll see you tomorrow yeah?"

"Yeah" Zoe smiled, "enjoy your night."

Rita walked home slowly, she knew this was it, that Iain was going to break up with her tonight so she tried to convince herself she didn't care, tried to convince herself it was just some fling, just some bit of fun and she'd be fine without him. That was all it was meant to be anyway, just friends with benefits and now she'd screwed that up by telling Iain she loved him. He was the first man she'd allowed to be intimate with her since she'd left Mark, she should have known from the start that it wouldn't end well, that she always brought out the worst in people.

She showered once she was home, pulling on an old hoody and her favourite pyjama bottoms, if she was going to have her heart broken then she might as well be comfortable. She'd somehow managed to resist the temptation of the off license on her way home so curled up on her sofa with a mug of strong black coffee, desperately trying not to let her tears fall. There was no way she was going to cry in front of Iain, no way at all.

She tried to avoid it but eventually gave into watching the clock, it was 8.27 when Iain knocked on her door after sitting in his car for almost 15 minutes, trying to work out what he was going to say. She greeted him but he didn't kiss her like he usually did, and, once again his hands were stuffed into his pockets, her arms curling around her chest.

"Look, I'm just going to get straight down to it" Iain said as Rita lead him into the living room, "this, this thing we've had…" Rita noticed his use of past tense, "I don't think it's going to work out between us, we both want different things. It was just meant to be a bit of fun and it has been but I think it's time to call it a day." Rita didn't say anything as Iain continued to ramble, "sooner or later we'd realise that you, you want stability, you want someone to settle down with and I…" Iain's voice caught in his throat, "I don't want that. It's better that we end it now, we'll only be dragging it out if we don't."

"Right" Rita nodded, unable to say anything else for fear of breaking down.

"We can still be mates yeah?"

Rita nodded, knowing that Iain would probably leave faster if she simply agreed, "yeah" she whispered.

"You alright."

Rita nodded again, "you're right, it was just meant to be a bit of fun" she said, struggling to keep herself together, she'd told him she'd loved him, she'd been so stupid. She'd promised herself that after Mark she'd never let anyone in again, never give anyone the opportunity to hurt her, to break her heart. She'd thought Iain was different. She should have listened to herself.

"And it was while it lasted" Iain gave Rita what he thought was a compliment.

"Yeah" Rita said again before looking up at Iain, hoping he wouldn't notice the tears gathering in her eyes, "if that's all you have to say could you leave now please?"

Iain nodded, he wasn't surprised she didn't want him to stay, "I'll see you at work yeah?"

Rita nodded, "yeah" she closed the door behind Iain before sliding down the wood, curling herself into a ball on the floor and beginning to sob.

Iain stood on Rita's doorstep, sighing as his head fell back against the wood, he could hear Rita sobbing and it broke his heart, his own eyes filling with tears at the sound, at the knowledge that he was the one that had broken her. He wanted nothing more than to open the door, to kiss her, wipe away her tears and tell her he was sorry, that he loved her but he couldn't. He simply took a deep breath to compose himself before walking back to his car and heading home.

Rita cried until she could barely breathe, she'd been so stupid letting Iain in, stupid to believe things would ever be different, that anyone could ever love her. Maybe Mark was right, she was stupid, useless, she wasn't even surprised that Iain didn't want to be with her any more. She could have kept him had she not been so stupid, he was right, they'd agreed, 'friends with benefits'. What on earth had possessed her to tell him that she loved him? She'd known, the slight pause before his vague response told her she'd messed up. "You're an idiot" she told herself, "it's no wonder nobody wants to be with you."


	2. Chapter 2

Iain curled up on his sofa with a beer once he was home, he felt like the worst person in the world but he knew he'd done what was best. Rita loved him, and as much as he wanted to, he couldn't love her back. He didn't work that way, he was more of a 'fuck 'em and leave' sort of man and Rita deserved better than that. He knew if they stayed together that he'd hurt her eventually, he'd do something stupid and he'd hurt her even more than she was probably hurting now. No, as much as he wanted to go back to Rita's and tell her he was wrong, that he loved her, he knew this was for the best, she could find someone who wouldn't ruin her life, she could be happy.

Rita didn't go to work the next morning, she'd spent most of the night crying on her hallway floor, using the last of her energy to drag herself to bed. She began to sob again when she woke up, she'd tried so hard to convince herself that this was just a bad dream, that she'd wake up and they'd laugh about it together but it wasn't, she was alone, the bed beside her cold and empty, like it always would be from now on. She reached for Iain's pillow, clutching it to her chest, inhaling the lingering scent of his shampoo and aftershave before burying her face into the soft fabric to muffle her cries.

She didn't even know how she had any tears left, her eyes were burning from the tears and the lack of sleep and her throat was dry from all the crying she'd done. She was a mess. She finally crawled out of bed almost an hour later in search of a glass of water, curling up on the sofa with it, wishing it was something stronger. She sighed as she saw her phone discarded on the corner of the coffee table, she knew the battery was dead and that she should probably charge it, she'd probably missed a handful of calls from work but she didn't care, she'd messed up her relationship and lost Iain, it was only a matter of time before she messed up at work and lost her job too.

Curiosity eventually got the better of her though, and she plugged her phone into charge finding missed called from Charlie, Zoe and Connie but nothing from Iain and she didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed by that.

Just minutes after turning her phone on again she got another phone call from Zoe, and this time she answered, "Rita where are you, is everything okay."

"Sorry" she mumbled quietly, "I was going to call but…"

"Are you alright?" Zoe asked, "you sound awful...have you been drinking?"

Rita laughed sarcastically, "stone cold sober unfortunately, I've been throwing up all morning" she lied, "I was going to call but I must have dozed off on the sofa."

"You've been sick all morning?"

"It's a bug or something" Rita said quickly, knowing exactly what Zoe was hinting, "I'm not pregnant."

"Well, you get some rest, make sure you drink plenty of water and let Iain run around after you when he gets off his shift yeah? I'll let Charlie know."

Rita's heart broke at the mention of Iain, "thanks Zoe" she mumbled, hanging up quickly as more tears started to fall.

"You heard from Rita?" Zoe asked Iain, he was on his way out of the department as she was on her way back in.

"Not today, why?"

Zoe gestured to her phone, "she says she's got a stomach bug and she's been vomiting all morning, my professional opinion is that she might need a bit of TLC tonight."

"Yeah" Iain nodded awkwardly, Rita obviously hadn't let on that they weren't together any more, "I'll pop round and see if she's okay after my shift."

"You do that" Zoe nodded, "and make sure you give her my love."

Rita spent most of the afternoon curled on the sofa drinking copious amounts of strong black coffee in an attempt to satisfy the part of her brain that was screaming out for vodka. She wouldn't do it she told herself, she'd let Mark ruin her, she wasn't going to let Iain do the same. She could do this, that's what she kept telling herself, she didn't need a man, she could be perfectly happy on her own, and that was probably a good thing, no man was ever likely to want her, Iain and Mark had both proved that.

She curled up in a ball on her sofa, legs curled tightly to her chest as she tried to work out what the hell was wrong with her, she hadn't been enough for Mark, he'd made that perfectly clear when he'd had to go elsewhere for what he wanted, when he'd found a fifteen year old student was a better choice than the woman he'd been married to for almost 10 years. She'd tried to change, she'd tried to be 'better' for Iain, to give him everything he'd need, she'd tried to be enough for him and ended up being too much, scaring him off. She sighed and wiped at the tears that had forced their way out of her eyes, she was a mess, it was no wonder no one wanted her. She wished she could just be 'normal', that someone would want her, love her for who she was, but why would anyone want someone with the amount of baggage she had?

Iain made his way round to Rita's after his shift, he knew she probably wouldn't want to see him, but, after Zoe had said she was ill, he couldn't help but worry about her. He paused at the end of her road, wondering if this was a good idea, should he go and see if she was okay or should he just head straight home? He knew if he saw her the temptation to wrap her in his arms would be too much to resist, he'd want to hold her and kiss her and tell her that he loved her but he couldn't. She deserved better than he could give her, no matter how he felt about her, she deserved better, someone who would lover her and take care of her, someone who wouldn't eventually screw things up and hurt her even more than she was probably hurting right now.

He pulled his phone from his pocket, texting Rita as he stood at the end of the road, ' _Zoe said you weren't well, do you need anything?_ ' He added several kisses to the end of the message out of habit before quickly deleting them and sending the text.

Rita's reply came quickly, fresh tears falling down her face as she read the message, he was obviously pretending that he still cared about her, ' _I'm fine thank you_.' She couldn't help but think back to the times he wouldn't even ask, just invite himself over if he so much as suspected she'd had a bad day. She thought about the baths he'd run her, how he'd order her favourite takeaway, how he'd cuddle up with her, holding her and kissing her until she felt better. It only served to intensify the loneliness she felt right now. She needed him, she needed him to hold her, to kiss her and tell her it was okay, that he was there for her, but he wasn't and there was no way Rita was going to ask the man who'd broken her for comfort. No. She'd just have to deal with this on her own.


End file.
